Praying for your Husband when Porn is an Issue


I speak to women all week long, and the effects of porn in families is heartbreaking.  I asked one of my pastors to share his wisdom on how women should respond when pornography threatens a marriage. If this isn’t a struggle found in your family, please read because it’s a situation in more people’s lives than you know.

What to Pray when your husband struggles with pornography.

The statistics about pornography are staggering. 68% of young men look at porn at least once a week. 1 and 8 searches on the web is for porn. 9 out of 10 boys will look at porn by the age of 18. The saddest part of that last statistic is that those boys become men who become husbands and fathers. The images in their mind don’t go away, and they walk into a marriage with a distorted view of what sex actually is.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that 56% of divorce cases involve one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” 56%! It’s an epidemic in our culture!

“Sad” doesn’t really describe the way you feel when the evils of pornography enter your marriage. Along with the hurt are a lot of unanswered questions. Will I ever trust him again? Why would he do this to me? Where do we go from here in my marriage?

I don’t have all the answers to your questions, but I do believe there is hope for your marriage.

There is a reason behind your husband’s pornography problem, and it isn’t what you think it is. A lot of women blame themselves for their husband’s actions. Let me say this as clear as possible… That is a lie from the enemy. Don’t believe it.

His pornography problem is not because you aren’t a good enough wife or you aren’t attractive enough. -Matt Scobell


The reason behind your husband’s pornography problem is that he desires acceptance and approval despite all of his flaws as a man, and he finds that acceptance and approval in pornography.

This isn’t every man, but in my experience, this pertains to a lot of men.

Every man seeks and desires acceptance and approval. This desire is part of his nature and part of his wiring as a man. The reason pornography is such a huge problem in men’s lives today is that men can instantly get the acceptance and approval whenever they want it. It is just a click away.

Accepting your husband for who he is, flawed and all, is a step in the process of him winning this battle in your husband’s heart and your marriage.


Understand this, no matter how hard you try to be the wife you think your husband desires, you will fall short and you will fail him. Not only will you be unable to meet all of his expectations, you will be exhausted in the process. 

Rest in that God says you are approved, loved, and cherished.  This isn’t on you.

Your husband has nothing more than an identity crisis. He doesn’t know or he forgot who he truly is. All the acceptance and approval has already been placed on him in Christ Jesus.

His true identity….. if he is found in Christ is: He is the son of the living God. Chosen for a specific purpose. Made in the image of God and loved unconditionally. Your husband knowing his true identity in Christ is what has the power to change his heart and his actions. Nothing else can change him. Trying harder and putting in more effort on his end will yield good results in the beginning, but eventually his efforts will fall short.

It’s also tempting to think you can control whether your husband looks at pornography or not. You can restrict his phone, take away his computer, and attempt to watch him 24/7, but this problem won’t go away by your efforts. If you “attack his behavior without affirming his identity, it is a recipe for defeat.” -Jason Britt

By walking in his true identity, he is now free to allow Jesus to love Him back. “The relationship is not between a criminal and a policeman, but between a loving Father and His child. When he begins to understand and enjoy that relationship, holiness and righteousness will become a part of his life without even trying. That is the beauty of a relationship with God.” –Steve Brown

Your prayer for him is not, “I pray he stops looking at pornography.” Your prayer for him is that he knows who he truly is in Christ Jesus. You pray he knows he is the son of the living God who was created for a purpose and all the approval and acceptance in all the universe has already been placed on him by his Creator, and all past mistakes have been wiped clean at the cross.

Your prayer is that he believes that he is loved unconditionally, because it’s “the love of God that leads to repentance.”

Pray that he walks in the freedom found in knowing that there is nothing he can do, good or bad, that will change his standing before God. That truth will heal your marriage and transform his heart.

Praying with you,

Matt Scobell

Pornography isn’t just a man problem, if you are a woman who also struggles with this issue, you can pray this over yourself! Can I lovingly encourage you to take next step and confess this to a friend?  There is freedom there! xoxox-Lauren


*Porn Statistics:






In the Name of Freedom: A Daily Practice in telling Satan to Shove It.


Shut it down ladies… that voice in your head that’s been messing with you all day.  It can feel like torture sometimes, can’t it?  That mental suffering or anxiety that keeps you from being present and confident in crowds of people….or before the Lord….Shut. It. Down!

Matthew 5: 25 says, “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way or he may hand you over to the judge and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you’ll be thrown into prison.”

Jesus is ALWAYS talking about things of the heart.  Our hearts and minds are closely connected and anyone in Christ absolutely has an adversary who hates them and wants them in prison; mentally, physically, and/or spiritually.

Satan is our adversary who is ruthless in his attacks as he condemns our hearts and minds.  Jesus is saying to settle these matters quickly! Don’t let them go too far! If you can identify when Satan is jacking with your head and heart, settle it quickly before it escalates! Jesus warns us what will happen if we don’t.

It just gets worse! It says he will hand us over to the judge, who can hand us over the officer, who can throw us in jail! We can go deeper and deeper into the thoughts and lies if we don’t settle it quickly.

Our thoughts turn into actions and attitudes.

Feeling trapped or imprisoned isn’t how Jesus Christ wants us to live!  He came so that we may have life and have it abundantly.

Anxiety, fear, worry, shame, bitterness, regret, failure, or insecurities…any of these emotions have the ability to make us feel trapped and in an emotional prison if we don’t settle the matters quickly.

The next time those thoughts creep into your mind…. Shut. It. Down. with the truth! Stand tall and speak Romans 8:1 out loud!

Say to adversary (Satan) NO! Jesus says to settle these matters quickly and there is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.  There is no prison for me because Christ died to let me out of the prison where sin kept me.  Pray, because of Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. End with….this matter is settled simply because Jesus said it was finished!!

I find it interesting that this passage is sandwiched in between Jesus talking about murder and adultery.  Settling matters quickly with the truths of Christ is the key to properly dealing with ALL issues ranging from hate/anger, anxiety/fear, shame/pride, all the way to lust!  Whatever the enemy uses to mess with you can be dealt with by simply shutting it down quickly in Jesus name.

Jesus said it is finished.  That means no prison for you. Not today. Not any day for those in Christ Jesus.

Galations 5:1 It is for freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.


Is this you? Have you been listening to the lies of the person who hates you? Do you find yourself trapped again? I pray in Jesus name, you hit the reset button on your life.  I pray you remember that you have been crucified with Christ and that the old is gone! Not some of the old. ALL the old is gone.  I pray that you are restored to the joy of your salvation and you allow Jesus to open up the gates of whatever prison you feel trapped in again.

So shut it down ladies. Whatever thoughts creep into your day that  don’t make you feel loved, seen, safe, and secure in Christ Jesus aren’t from God.  He loves you and wants you to know Him to be a God of Peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness. It is for freedom, not condemnation that Christ came for us.

Be encouraged and reminded that you don’t have to allow your thoughts to torture you today.  You have been saved and set free by a God who loves you perfectly, and sent you the only Savior you’ll ever need, Jesus Christ.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I speak freedom and strength over every eye who reads this. I pray you pour out wisdom and truth to us through your word so that we can know when the enemy comes to steal our joy and try to keep us from walking in freedom.  I pray today is the day every lie is identified that keeps us from walking in the truth of who you say we are; loved, cherished, approved, and redeemed.  Thank you for Jesus and the cross. You are everything.

In Jesus’ powerful name I pray,