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Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for Jesus and for Him being the perfect sacrifice. Thank you for the cross and for seasons of life.  Father I pray that every eye who reads this comes to know your saving grace and goodness.  God, I pray you help us to feel so loved by you that we don’t look to the right or to the left,  but that we keep our fixed on your perfect, personal love for us.  Help us to trust you and seek you daily.

In Jesus name,
Amen

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Praying for your Husband when Porn is an Issue

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I speak to women all week long, and the effects of porn in families is heartbreaking.  I asked one of my pastors to share his wisdom on how women should respond when pornography threatens a marriage. If this isn’t a struggle found in your family, please read because it’s a situation in more people’s lives than you know.

What to Pray when your husband struggles with pornography.

The statistics about pornography are staggering. 68% of young men look at porn at least once a week. 1 and 8 searches on the web is for porn. 9 out of 10 boys will look at porn by the age of 18. The saddest part of that last statistic is that those boys become men who become husbands and fathers. The images in their mind don’t go away, and they walk into a marriage with a distorted view of what sex actually is.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that 56% of divorce cases involve one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” 56%! It’s an epidemic in our culture!

“Sad” doesn’t really describe the way you feel when the evils of pornography enter your marriage. Along with the hurt are a lot of unanswered questions. Will I ever trust him again? Why would he do this to me? Where do we go from here in my marriage?

I don’t have all the answers to your questions, but I do believe there is hope for your marriage.

There is a reason behind your husband’s pornography problem, and it isn’t what you think it is. A lot of women blame themselves for their husband’s actions. Let me say this as clear as possible… That is a lie from the enemy. Don’t believe it.

His pornography problem is not because you aren’t a good enough wife or you aren’t attractive enough. -Matt Scobell

 

The reason behind your husband’s pornography problem is that he desires acceptance and approval despite all of his flaws as a man, and he finds that acceptance and approval in pornography.

This isn’t every man, but in my experience, this pertains to a lot of men.

Every man seeks and desires acceptance and approval. This desire is part of his nature and part of his wiring as a man. The reason pornography is such a huge problem in men’s lives today is that men can instantly get the acceptance and approval whenever they want it. It is just a click away.

Accepting your husband for who he is, flawed and all, is a step in the process of him winning this battle in your husband’s heart and your marriage.

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Understand this, no matter how hard you try to be the wife you think your husband desires, you will fall short and you will fail him. Not only will you be unable to meet all of his expectations, you will be exhausted in the process. 

Rest in that God says you are approved, loved, and cherished.  This isn’t on you.

Your husband has nothing more than an identity crisis. He doesn’t know or he forgot who he truly is. All the acceptance and approval has already been placed on him in Christ Jesus.

His true identity….. if he is found in Christ is: He is the son of the living God. Chosen for a specific purpose. Made in the image of God and loved unconditionally. Your husband knowing his true identity in Christ is what has the power to change his heart and his actions. Nothing else can change him. Trying harder and putting in more effort on his end will yield good results in the beginning, but eventually his efforts will fall short.

It’s also tempting to think you can control whether your husband looks at pornography or not. You can restrict his phone, take away his computer, and attempt to watch him 24/7, but this problem won’t go away by your efforts. If you “attack his behavior without affirming his identity, it is a recipe for defeat.” -Jason Britt

By walking in his true identity, he is now free to allow Jesus to love Him back. “The relationship is not between a criminal and a policeman, but between a loving Father and His child. When he begins to understand and enjoy that relationship, holiness and righteousness will become a part of his life without even trying. That is the beauty of a relationship with God.” –Steve Brown

Your prayer for him is not, “I pray he stops looking at pornography.” Your prayer for him is that he knows who he truly is in Christ Jesus. You pray he knows he is the son of the living God who was created for a purpose and all the approval and acceptance in all the universe has already been placed on him by his Creator, and all past mistakes have been wiped clean at the cross.

Your prayer is that he believes that he is loved unconditionally, because it’s “the love of God that leads to repentance.”

Pray that he walks in the freedom found in knowing that there is nothing he can do, good or bad, that will change his standing before God. That truth will heal your marriage and transform his heart.

Praying with you,

Matt Scobell

Pornography isn’t just a man problem, if you are a woman who also struggles with this issue, you can pray this over yourself! Can I lovingly encourage you to take next step and confess this to a friend?  There is freedom there! xoxox-Lauren

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*Porn Statistics:

http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/

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Is God Even Doing Anything? Trusting Him in Storms.

 

 

if-jesus-worked-and-healed-on-the-day-of-restAre the waves of life crashing over you so hard right now? Are you being tossed and turned and struggling to simply breathe? Are you asking God……. Are. You. Going. To. Do. Something???

I’ve certainly had days, weeks, months like those. On those days, I have to bank on the truths I know about God:

I know Him. He loves me. He is good. He is trustworthy.

For new believers these storms are even MORE difficult.  The growing up in the Lord process can be painful and sometimes the prosperity gospel sounds nice! Why can’t I turn to God and all my problems in life simply melt away?

Unfortunately, that isn’t real life.  Spend any time in the Bible and you will see trials and storms and tons hot mess situations. Spend even more time in the Bible and you WILL see that God was always doing something for the good of His people.

In Matthew 12:13 Jesus says to a man with a crippled hand, “Stretch out your hand.” The reason why this so significant is because it was the SABBATH day! As in day of rest…where no work was to be done.  I remember my granddaddy would never cut the grass on Sundays.  That was his version of honoring the Sabbath.

Not our Jesus.  He does work on the Sabbath.  He healed the man who needed healing.  A man with a shriveled hand probably had problems finding good work without the use of his hand.  That might have led to financial problems.  Which can naturally lead to family drama.  Illness, work problems, financial struggles, family drama.  Sound familiar???

Jesus’ response is perfect as always.  If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath. Will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Matthew 12:12

If Jesus worked and healed on the day of rest. We can trust He is working on the days of the storms. We can’t always see Him, but we have to trust that God is smarter than us and knows what is best for His people.

I love the song When the Fight Calls  by Hillsong Young and Free.  Based on my life experiences, this song is absolutely true. If you are in a storm, I pray these words over you!

I won’t let the storm weather my heart
Won’t let the darkness beat me down
Sing in the night my hope alive in You
I’ll walk through the fire and not be burned
Pray in the fight and watch it turn
Jesus tonight I give it all to You

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God doesn’t waste the storms in our lives.  He uses them to draw us out into the deep waters of faith so that we know and love Him more.

I’ve had three big storms to date in my life and I’m sure I’ll have more.  But, I’m less afraid of each storm because I know and love and trust God more deeply every time He delivers me again.

In a storm? Hang in there.  God IS working. He isn’t asleep or looking the other way.  He sees you. He isn’t surprised or angry.  God is right there with you.  Holding your hand. I pray you learn to trust Him and His timing.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for showing us that you are always working. Thank you for Jesus and giving us your word so we can be encouraged and reminded of who you are. You are a God who is faithful to walk with us through the storms of life.  Help us to be reminded that you give us the mercies and strength daily to get through another day.  Help us to feel your presence as we cling to Jesus.  Thank you Lord for loving us enough to help us know you more closely.  You are everything.

In Jesus name,

Amen